


(Let's Stop) Running From Love

by obsessive-fics (xoPrincessKayxo)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Established Relationship, Fluff, M/M, Valentine's Day
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-14
Updated: 2018-02-14
Packaged: 2019-03-18 11:53:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,341
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13681149
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xoPrincessKayxo/pseuds/obsessive-fics
Summary: Phil is ten years old the first time he asks his mother what love is. He doesn't fully understand what her answer means until he meets DanOrSome of the most important Valentine's Days in Phil's life over the years





	(Let's Stop) Running From Love

**Author's Note:**

> As always, thank you to @yourfriendlyblogstalker for being an awesome beta
> 
> (Title from My My My! by Troye Sivan)
> 
> Happy Valentine's Day everyone!

**1997**

Phil is ten years old the first time he asks his mother what love is. They’re sitting at the kitchen table, filling out valentines for the kids in his class, and it’s got him thinking. What’s the point? Why are him and a bunch of other kids going to give each other cards that say things like “You’re cool!”? Is there anything special about that or does it stop being special once everyone gets one? 

When he voices this, his mother just smiles and pats him on the head. She’s been doing that a lot lately, just stopping to affectionately encourage all of the strange ways his brain works. 

“I don’t think anyone really knows- it’s just something nice you all do for each other. What I do know, though, is that love is choosing someone. It’s when every day you wake up, and you choose to continue giving yourself to that person in whatever way you see fit,” she explains, handing him a valentine with Pikachu on it, folded perfectly in half. He takes it, and puts it in an envelope with Emily R’s name on it. 

“So you chose Dad then?” he asks, because parents are supposed to be the ultimate example of what love is, but he’s starting to notice that not all of the parents he knows live up to that. 

“I did. And he chose me back. And to us that means being each other’s best friends and biggest supporters, even when it’s not easy.” she doesn’t know it at the time, but he takes those words and decides right then and there that he’s absolutely going to live by them. They finish the Valentines and he’s tasked with setting the table for dinner while she cooks, but he never stops thinking about what it means to choose someone and to be chosen in return.

* * *

 

**2003**

He’s sixteen before he finds himself wondering what love is again. Lily is smart and pretty and actually listens when he spends twenty minutes analyzing the latest episode of  _ Buffy.  _ This must be it, he thinks, this must be how it feels. He spends all of Thursday night trying to think of the right way to tell her- what should he say,  _ what should he say _ ? But nothing seems right. 

Martyn is entirely unhelpful in this regard. “Just tell her how you feel,” is the extent of his advice, and maybe that works in movies where everyone knows exactly what to say to express exactly how they’re feeling, but he has no idea. Eventually he gives up trying to plan and hopes he’ll know what to do when the time comes. 

The next day at school, he’s all nerves. He sits next to Lily the same way he’s done every day, but something about it feels different. Like he’s been holding his breath this whole time and he’s one second from breathing again. 

“Do you want to hang out after school?” Phil asks while they’re walking together after class, complaining about how much reading they’ve got over the weekend. 

“Oh, I would, but… it’s Valentines Day,” Lily answers, suddenly looking everywhere but him. 

“I know, that’s um… kind of why I’m asking,” he tells her, desperately wishing for the floor to open up and swallow him whole. 

“Oh.  _ Oh!  _ Wow, that’s… that’s so sweet, really, you’re so sweet, but I can’t,” Lily rambles, stopping and hugging her books tighter to her chest. 

“Oh… Well, that’s okay then. Let’s just f-” 

“Girls!” Lily blurts out, cutting him off.

“What?” 

“I can’t because girls- a girl. I’m… God this is hard. I wanted to tell you, but I…” Lily trails off, shaking her head, but he manages to piece together what she’s getting at. 

“You can’t go out with me tonight because you like girls?” Phil asks, and all of the tension in Lily’s body seems to fade away at once. 

“Yeah. Yes. I’m… well, I don’t know yet, but I’m getting ice cream with Rosa from history later, so I’m excited to find out,” she tells him, and he doesn’t think he’s even seen her smile that big. 

“You know, Rosa kind of looks like Willow,” he tells her in an attempt to make her laugh. It works, and she wraps her arms around him for a quick hug. 

“Thank you for understanding,” she says, pulling away. 

“Always. Just don’t forget to invite me to the wedding,” Phil jokes as they resume walking. 

“Shut up,” Lily laughs, shoving him, and just like that they’re back to normal. It hurts a little, knowing that he hasn’t found the person that’s going to choose him, but he’ll get over that. For now he’s just happy that someone as wonderful as Lily is discovering herself, and that she’s found someone to do that with.

* * *

 

**2008**

Nick is… Nice. He’s nice and attractive in that tan, blonde, boy next door kind of way. But if Phil’s being honest with himself he wouldn’t be here with him on any other day of the year. Jimmy had caught him, watching  _ Titanic  _ on the couch, in his pjs at six o’clock and demanded he come out with him. 

“It’s a day of love! You can’t just sit here watching tv by yourself all night,” he’d said, turning off the tv just as Rose’s hand comes up to the leave its print in the foggy car window. 

“Why not?” he’d whined, but it was a battle he already knew he’d lost. Which is how he found himself in his best shirt, sitting next to Nick, listening to him shout over the music about the big game next weekend. Jimmy keeps shooting him encouraging looks from across the table, and he’s starting to regret every decision he’s ever made that lead him here. 

“I need a drink,” he announces unceremoniously, cutting off Nick’s very detailed description of his workout routine. 

Phil orders the most colorful drink on the menu and sits down to nurse it. He’s being unfair and immature, ditching his date to sulk and drink, but he doesn’t go back to the table. Three drinks later, he feels someone sit down next to him. 

“I’m a lousy date I know,” he says, but it kind of loses power when he has to shout it in Nick’s ear twice more before he understands what he’s saying. 

“Oh! That’s okay, I probably haven’t been all that great either,” Nick shouts back, smiling sheepishly. Phil suddenly feels a wave of guilt and affection, probably brought on by the amount of sugar and vodka he’s just consumed. 

“Do you wanna go somewhere quiet?” he asks, before he can think better of it. 

“... Sure,” Nick says, so quietly he almost misses it. 

They make their way outside, side stepping heart shaped balloons and giant teddy bears. It’s freezing outside, a blast of harsh February air hitting them the minute they open the door. They lean against the side of the building, arms wrapped around themselves. 

“Sorry if I was going on back there. Sometimes I don’t know what to say, but I also don’t want to not say anything, and then I just can’t stop even though-” Nick is saying, when Phil kisses him, cutting him off. He’s not sure why exactly- maybe it’s because it’s Valentine’s Day, or because he’s a little drunk and Nick’s being almost unrealistically nice, or maybe it’s because he doesn’t want to spend the night completely alone. Either way he’s standing outside kissing a guy he’s known for two hours, and they’re gonna need to find a place sans witnesses pretty soon.  

Fifteen minutes later, Phil’s pressed up against his bedroom door, Nick doing things to his neck that are definitely going to leave a mark in the morning. He wants to enjoy this, to just not think about love and romance, and how, to his knowledge, neither of those things have ever start with sloppy, drunken handjobs, but his mind really enjoys betraying him. He’s there physically the whole time, but he feels like he’s watching a dream from far away. The next morning, he wakes up feeling nauseous and disoriented, as Nick is sitting at the foot of the bed, putting his shoes back on. 

“Thanks for uh, last night,” Nick says, rubbing the back of his neck awkwardly. 

“Yeah, uh… You too,” Phil replies, as articulate as his hangover addled brain allows for. Nick leaves after that, and Phil decides immediately he’d much rather spend every Valentine’s Day alone than having to feel like this. And then he runs to the bathroom to go throw up.

* * *

 

**2010**

It’s the night before Valentine’s Day, Phil is hopelessly in love, and he’s sitting in his bedroom alone, looking at his camera. The universe can be relentlessly cruel sometimes. How could it bring him his soulmate and then constantly rip them apart?

He’s never had a real, proper, Valentine. Someone he’s sure he’d choose over and over again, in each lifetime, in each universe, but now he does. Dan is all of those things and more, and in an awful twist of fate, his family had chosen  _ now  _ to go on holiday in India. 

It’s after midnight there, and Dan has to get up early to go on a family outing his grandmother’s planned, so Phil  had reluctantly let him go so he could get some sleep. But now he’s been left alone with his thoughts and it’s gonna be at least another four hours before he can get to sleep. 

“We don’t have to do anything today, it’s a completely arbitrary holiday. I’ll come see you when I get home and it’ll be just as romantic as it would’ve been to do something today,” Dan had said on skype earlier that night.

“I just… I wish you were here,” Phil admitted sadly. 

“I wish I was too,” Dan said, sounding equally dejected. 

They fell into silence then, watching each other with the faint hope that if they willed hard enough, the universe would pull them through their computer screens, across borders, until they were together. Dan was the first to break the silence, sighing heavily. 

“Valentine's Day is overrated anyway- we don’t need flowers or chocolate to prove we love each other.” 

“I don’t want to do those things to prove I love you. I know you know that already. I want to do them because I love you. I also wouldn’t get you flowers or chocolate because neither of those things are very original gifts,” Phil argued immediately. He liked to think he’d be a little better at Valentine’s than  _ that.  _

“You don’t have to get me anything,” Dan said, laughing and shaking his head.

“Too late,” Phil replied, before he could think better of it. He hadn’t actually gotten a gift, but the thought of seeing Dan’s face light up had wormed its way into his head, and he knew almost immediately he’d do anything to make that thought a reality. 

“Seriously? I didn’t get you anything!”

“You don’t have to get me anything, just be here.” 

“Okay,” Dan said finally, barely containing his grin. 

“Okay?” 

“Okay.” 

Then they spent a few minutes being sappy and in love before Phil noticed Dan drifting off and forced him to go to bed. 

Phil sighs, thinking of the sight of his adorable boyfriend, all sleepy and soft, and before he even registers what he’s doing, he’s turning on his camera. He’s got the perfect valentines gift in mind, one that’s romantic, but not cliche, and also undeniably them. He hits record and takes a deep breath. 

“Awrf. Hi Dan.” 

*********** 

“I love you,” Dan says the minute Skype connects the next morning. 

“So, you got it then?” Phil asks hopefully.

“I got it and I love it and I love you and I can’t wait to see you,” Dan tells him grinning excitedly, and Phil can’t wait until they’re in the same space and he can kiss those dimples whenever he wants.

“Only a few more days,” he says instead, because he feels like they both need that reminder. 

“How gross would it be if I said I was counting down the days?” Dan asks, leaning on his hand. 

“Pretty gross, but I love you anyway.” 

* * *

 

**2012**

“Valentine's Day is tomorrow,” Phil says cautiously Monday night. They’ve just finished dinner and it’s his turn to wash up. He hands Dan the plate he’s just washed, and looks at him. 

“Yeah, so?” Dan replies, drying it off and placing in on the counter.

“Do you want to do something? We can go to a movie, or get dinner...” Phil trails off, picking up another dish.

“What if someone sees us?” Dan asks, voice suddenly small. 

Phil wants to argue that of course they won’t be seen, and even if they are, what does it matter? But he knows there’s always the chance of running into a viewer, and it only seems to grow every day. And no matter what they say, people are only going to think.

“I hate this. It’s Valentine’s Day. I want to spoil you,” Phil says, sighing in frustration, leaning on the sink. 

“Hey, come here,” Dan says softly. Phil turns off the tap and turns towards him. Dan puts the dish towel down and wraps his arms around Phil’s waist. 

“I keep telling you, it’s just a day. I’ve done the big Valentine’s date thing, it’s not that big of a deal. Besides, you do nothing  _ but  _ spoil me. We’ll do something next weekend, okay? Let’s spend tomorrow ignoring work and watching anime all day,” Dan suggests, reaching up to push hair out of Phil’s face. 

“You’re my favorite person in the world, you know that?” Phil says, smiling at him warmly. 

“I know. You still have to finish the dishes though.” 

Phil rolls his eyes, but steps out of Dan’s arms and turns back to the sink. It’s something he’s still learning, but sometimes love is quiet- it doesn’t stay all shy glances, dramatic declarations of love, clawing at each other impatiently. It settles down, it’s peaceful, not because it’s boring or stale, but because you don’t need all of that to be sure of each other. You just are.

* * *

 

**2025**

Phil is exhausted. Exhausted, but happy. It’s been an uncharacteristically nice day for February, which means he’s spent the last two hours chasing around a very excitable dog and an equally excitable Lilah while Dan just watched and recorded. Deciding to raise Lilah has been the best, most difficult thing they’ve ever done. She was so traumatized when they met her she was completely nonverbal, despite being four years old. She’s eight now, and slowly becoming one of the most outgoing and energetic kids they’ve ever met. 

Now, Lilah is falling asleep on Phil’s lap in the middle of one of her favorite Disney movies. 

“Are Shang and Mulan going to live together now? That’s what people do when they love each other, right?” she asks, yawning. 

“Sometimes,” Phil tells her, running his hand through her hair. 

“Does love mean living together, like you and Dad?” Lilah wonders, Phil smiles and feels the warmth he does every time she calls one of them dad. 

“It can. Love means lots of things. It’s not really something you completely understand until you’re actually experiencing it. But mostly it means choosing someone, over and over again, deciding to love and support them for as long as humanly possible,” he explains, as best he can, the same way his mother did for him when he was little. 

“Like you guys chose me!” Lilah says excitedly. 

“Yeah, Li. Exactly like that. We love you very much,” he tells her, but she’s already asleep. 

“She asleep yet?” Dan asks, leaning in the doorway. 

“Yeah. Want me to carry her to her room?” Phil asks, looking up at him. 

“Not yet,” Dan says, pulling out his phone and taking a picture, before sitting down next to them, and draping his arm around him.  “I kind of don’t even wanna go out tonight. This is way more fun.” 

“Oh, no, you’re not getting out of this that easily. Besides, the sitter is already on her way,” Phil points out, but leans into him anyway.

“I love that this is our life now. There are so many things I used to dream about that I thought I’d never experience, and then I met you, and everything seemed possible,” Dan says softly, looking down at Lilah’s sleeping form. 

“I love you too. Seriously, though we’re gonna lose our reservation if we don’t start getting ready,” Phil reminds him, and Dan rolls his eyes, but still kisses him and gets up to go get changed. 

Brittany gets there about an hour later, and Lilah practically runs to the door when she realizes who it is. 

“Hey, Li,” Brittany says, reaching down to hug her. 

“Can we play space princesses?” Lilah asks, excitedly bouncing up and down. 

“Of course, Your Highness,” Brittany answers, and Lilah runs off to put on her princess costume. 

“She’s gonna be hungry soon- there’s dinner in the fridge for her, so just heat that up. She should be in bed by 8:00, but she likes to find excuses to stay up, so if she reads one of her books, she can stay up until 9:00,” Phil instructs while he and Dan bustle around, gathering coats and shoes and keys. 

“Yes, I’ve got it. You tell me the same thing every time I come here,” Brittany says, laughing. 

“We just… We worry,” Dan explains, shrugging his coat on. 

“I know. But Lilah’s in great hands, trust me,” Brittany assures them, opening the door for them. They’re walking out when she calls after them. 

“Is it okay if I FaceTime my girlfriend after Lilah’s asleep? I wouldn’t usually, but it’s Valentine’s Day, and she’s studying abroad- I miss her a lot,” she tells them, shifting slightly. 

It’s almost shocking to hear someone in that exact predicament, not much younger than they were at the time. 

“Of course you can, Brittany. Thank you for watching Lilah tonight,” Phil replies, and he can tell by the look on Dan’s face he wants to buy a plane ticket right then and there, and send Brittany on her way. 

“It’s no trouble. Have a great date!” Brittany calls after them, heading back inside. 

“I feel terrible she’s babysitting on Valentine’s Day. She should be  with her girlfriend,” Dan says as they walk. 

“I’m sure they’re gonna have a great time talking to each other later. Besides, she will be, sooner than she realizes. You of all people should know that,” Phil reminds him gently, knocking their shoulders together. Dan doesn’t say anything then, just pulls Phil by the hand, and kisses him deeply. 

“What was that for?” Phil asks, a little breathless. 

“Because you’re here, and I can. And it was torture when I couldn’t. I know it’s been over a decade now, but nothing makes me happier than knowing I can just reach out, and you’ll be there,” Dan explains, and they should probably stop standing here, holding each other, but it’s Valentine’s Day, they’re ridiculously, hopelessly in love, and Phil wants to bask in this moment a little longer. 

“I know exactly what you mean,” he says, because there aren’t nearly enough words to describe what he’s feeling right now. 

They’re going to get dinner at their favorite restaurant and play silly games at the table, and then they’re going to come home to their wonderful daughter and the best dog in the world, and Phil can’t believe how lucky he is that this is his life. That in all of the universes and possible fates, he ended up here, with his best friend and the love of his life, and that even now, sixteen years in, they continue to wake up every morning and chose each other. Even without fancy dinners or a fancy house, just that alone is the best Valentine he ever could have asked for. 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you enjoyed. 
> 
>  
> 
> [read and reblog on tumblr](https://obsessive-fics.tumblr.com/post/170876424241/title-lets-stop-running-from-love-rating-t)


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